Cynthia Hawkins

Dear horror films:  I’m just not that into you.  It’s not so much about what you do or don’t do but just … you.  In general.  And I mean the “you” of the last thirty years.  I really loved you in your younger years, but my how you’ve changed.  Like, I don’t even recognize you anymore.  Maybe we can just agree to disagree about your merits and go our separate ways for now. Here’s a list at The Nervous Breakdown of other chill-inducing films I’ll be spending my Halloween with instead:  Halloween Lite: Same Great Taste, Less Eye Rolling.

Just what you’ve been waiting for.  TNB’s Simon Smithson and I wrap-up our exploration of ’80s action movies with a chat about the Sylvester Stallone action-hero round-up that is The Expendables.  Read it here.   

Meet Hannah, the only kid I know who takes notes in movies.  As bad as I am now, in terms of movie nerd-dom, she’s destined to be three times worse.  I recently took Hannah, who has quickly become “Avatar: The Last Airbender” obsessed, to a screening of The Last Airbender and asked her a few questions afterward to get a feel for the differences between the series and the film.  You can find our conversation below and my review of The Last Airbender at The Nervous Breakdown.

Cynthia:  So, what did you think?

Hannah:  I really don’t like that a fish died.

C:  Does a fish not die in the series?

H:  He turned into that little circle of peace thing.  What’s that circle of peace thing with the two parts?

C:  You must mean yin and yang.

H:  Yeah, yin and yang.  That’s what it did in the series, but –

C:  But we don’t want to give anything away for people who want to see it.  So you’re saying that scene wasn’t like the series.  What else wasn’t like the series?

H:  Um …

C:  Without giving things away.

H:  Well, Prince Zuko only had a small scar.  It didn’t really look burned like it looks in the series.

C:  His scar wasn’t prominent enough in the movie?

H:  No.

C:  Okay, but this sounds like you’re just finding little things that are different. What about the story, the overall story and what happens?

H:  Well, usually their visits to the different villages take a bit longer.  I was surprised the movie went by really fast.  A lot faster.

C:  And the big battle in the end – does that happen in the series?

H:  No.  That doesn’t happen.

C.  Oh.  Really?  That doesn’t happen at all?

H:  No …. Well.  I haven’t watched it all.

C:  So tell me what you’ve watched.

H:  I’ve watched all of Book One except the last episode.*

C:  So you haven’t gotten there yet.  It could still happen.

H:  Yes.  Probably.

C:  So what did you think of all the characters?  Were they what you expected?

H: The brother was a little different than I expected.

C:  Yes, he was quite serious in the movie.

H:  Yeah.  He was more serious.  And also when he met the princess, she was engaged.

C:  Oh.  So there was a lot more story to it.

H:  Yes.

C:  Well, sometimes they can’t put everything in because then it’d be six hours.

H:  But that’d be okay.

C:  What about Aang?

H:  Oh, well, in the series his name is …

C:  They pronounce it “ayng” in the series but “ahng” in the movie, but it’s the same name.   I really liked him in the movie.  I thought he was super cute.

H:  Actually, I like him better in the series.  I think he looked better animated than in real life.

C:  Really?  Why do you think so?

H:  I don’t know. He just does.

C:  Interesting.  You know what?  I liked him far better in the movie than in the series, because in the series he’s a little bit … obnoxious.  A lot obnoxious.  He’s not obnoxious in the movie at all.  He’s really sweet.  What do you think?

H:  Yeah.  I think he might have been sweeter in the movie, and in the series he gets fussy sometimes and I don’t really like that.

C:  You were telling me something about that earlier, that you thought he could be a real big brat.

H:  Yes!

C:  In the series, you said he did things like withheld information from the others that was really important.  Things like that.

H:  He did that several times.  I think because in the series, it’s longer than the movie.  If they don’t have time to explain him, then you just wouldn’t like him when he does things like that.

C:  So, right after the movie, you turned to me and made the “so-so” sign with your hand. Why did you do that?

H:  It was kind of iffy in some parts.

C:  Why?

H:  There were things that weren’t in the movie that were in the series that I missed.

C:  A lot of things or just some things?

H:  Just some things.

C:  Overall, would you recommend it to someone who already likes the series?

H:  Yes!

C:  Why?

H:  Well, if I could forget about the iffy parts, then I would recommend it because it really is a very good movie.  Is that it?  Because I wanted to say something else.

C:  Sure.  Say something else.

H:  I liked Appa, the flying bison.  He looked exactly the same.  And the special effects for Appa were really good.  Okay.  That’s it.  Hannah out.

*Hannah watched the last episode of Book One the day after this exchange and reported, aghast, that, “There is no big wave!”

Fellow San Antonians:  Nicole Holofcener’s film Please Give is now playing in our area, and if you missed my review of it at The Nervous Breakdown you can still read it right here.

You know what I’m doing at 5 am?  Not sleeping.  Like I haven’t been sleeping for the past hour and only intermittently for hours before that.  You know why?  Because when I have been sleeping I’ve been dreaming that my life is not real, that I’m in a “sideways” kind of Matrixy/Sixth-Sense purgatory trying to work it all out.  Thank you “LOST”!

That said, I’ll weigh in on the series finale (spoilers aplenty).  I would just like to take a moment to tell my husband I was SO right.  “You aren’t going to learn any more about the island than you already know,” I said to him hours before the finale began, “So, move on.”  And it would seem moving on was the whole theme.  What we thought was an alternative reality perhaps created by Jughead’s explosion turned out to be a waiting place for the afterlife in which everyone needed to find enlightenment – in other words, their memories of their real lives.  Aptly named (if not comically, as Kate pointed out) Christian Shepherd fills Jack in:  Jack’s dead in this alternate world as is everyone else.  Some of them died before Jack, others after.  The island was real for all its wonkiness, and these are the people who’d meant the most to each other in life from the gravity of their experiences together.  I’m guessing Hurley and Ben lived awhile after Jack as the new caretakers of the island since they indicate as much to each other:   “You made a great number two,” “and you were a great number one,” and so forth – and no I’m not going to make a bathroom joke.  You go right ahead.

Did the plane make it?  Let me tell you something.  The only thing that can survive a submarine blast, or any kind of doomsday scenario, are the cockroaches and crusty codger Frank Lapidus.  In any kind of disaster, I want to be standing right beside that man.  Can he fly that plane off the island?  With a little duct tape, hell yes!  He’s Frank Lapidus!  But does it make it?  Kate tells Jack in sideways afterlife, “I’ve missed you so much,” which would seem to indicate that she spent enough time to “miss him so much” after leaving him on the island.  But then again, when Claire gives birth to Aaron in sideways afterlife (gah!?) this seems to be the big reunion with him she’s been waiting for since being separated from him on the island, as in perhaps she doesn’t make it back to reunite with three-year-old Aaron in real-world L.A.

Okay, okay, probably none of this is new or insightful and there are a plethora of more detailed, more wonderful blog posts regarding the “LOST” ending … but it’s five a.m., and I’m thinking aloud!  Cut me some slack here.  I did love this as a last episode, though.  I love that just when I guessed what’s coming next I was surprised.  And I thought no one could ever pull a Sixth-Sense on me again.  The fact that Lindelof and Cuse managed to?  Brilliant.  Now shoo so I can get some sleep.

My essay in the April issue of Parent:Wise Magazine:

All right, I admit it.  I was that kid who kept a rubber-worm fishing lure as a pet, set traps for aliens forged from empty TicTac boxes, wrote sci-fi stories I tried to sell door to door for a quarter, and invited to my birthday parties one special friend … of my mother’s choosing.  About a week before, I’d find Mom quietly chirping into the phone with her Sunday-school rolodex flipped back on her lap.  I’m sure she was saying something like, “I just thought it’d be nice to get our two shy girls together sometime,” because my birthday attendee would always turn out to be “that kid” too – with a variation.  Maybe she had a collection of rainbow suspenders or a habit of laughing with her mouth closed.  Sheet cakes and streamers and That Kid who refused to take off the H.R. Puffinstuff costume – ah the memories. Read More Here

Review of Murder by Death’s Good Morning, Magpie in the San Antonio Current

My interview with Adam Turla of Murder by Death now up at InDigest Magazine:

Spore Score: Murder by Death lend their cinematic rugged-trail mastery to Jeff VanderMeer’s Finch

Pictured, a panel from David Small’s Stitches, accompanying the article below. 

Putting the pieces back together

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs